Dec.3 Focused

Its all about money and the photoshoot for the rest of the week so NOOOOOOOOOOOBODY is breaking my focus. So Im going to finish up this homework stuff and this outfit and head off to work.It was boring before Kirsten came but thats normal. She made the day better we talked and had fun but I was annoyed from earlier. By the end of the day I was ready to finish everything. Im too focused. Talked to Tymmy for a while then did my hair for the photoshoot and finish this skirt. But Im tired so goodnight.

Dec.2 Almost done

I needed some time to myself so my mommy let me stay home today. She understands how stress can affect a person so she said that I can stay home if I need more time for everything. People dont really understand that this is crunch time so to speak and I have to hurry up. Its ;like my future is counting down its weird. But luckily Im alm ost done just make a few minor adjustments and I will be completely done this outfit ahhhhhhh. I need more time

Dec.1 Countdown

I definately forgot it was the first but I remembered at the same time its weird. I honestly love December but it makes me nervous because I have to be finished my clothes in 12 days. Its a countdown to my future its crazy but exciting at the same time. The countdown is really on but Im going to get through it because Im pretty awsome. Im on it for real and I focus just getting my anger and stress together and Ill be fine. We had a discussion in AVID which blew me so I stayed quite for the most part. Adults well people in general dont really understand certain things in general but Im just going to leave that alone.......

Nov.30 Pushed over

At certain times I know if it will be one of those days were people need to leave me alone; I didnt feel it today. I was just having moments and I felt me being pushed and I know how I can get sometime and its hard to hold back. I dont like what a lot of people do and how they act differently towards people mostly when adults do it like yall grown get it together or just leave me alone. People treat me different because Im not in your face about everything I do and Im not your picture perfect kid but Im pretty damn happy with myself Im beyond happy with me because at the end of the day the rest of you wont be noticed or stand out because of who you are but because your "perfect" to an average person. But any way I just learned that Im still learning to control my anger.

Nov.29 Akward Tuesdays

Since me and Charlie arent really on picture perfect terms Im  not sure if I want to be around him at all. On Tuesdays bible studyis the only thing on my mind best I get to release from the negative energy....well for the most part. I guess some people dont really understand that either about me but I love me so yeah thats all that matters in the end. So I go through school and practice as I would any other day but I feel myself getting on edge. But I ignore it; its probally just stress. Church was good when  the time  came I kind of didnt want to talk to Charlie so I really didnt as much as I would. He texted me and everything but its not the same I think he really messed up this time. I got that akward feeling around him now.......

Nov.28

Back to school I go. I really dont like this place everything and everybody is the same ugh and then I have to go to practice UGHHHHHHH. Today is not one of those happy go lucky days I just want to sleep so even if I try to stay up I cant. Im good for most of the day after first period and until practice but then I just want to go home. People are doing to much to try and stand out if it was made for you then you shouldnt have to try so hard. I guess people dont understand.......

Nov.27 Last day

Today was Drea last day home and Im sad. We are going to church but I never know what I should wear so Drea helped me but I ned up just putting on what I originally said. In church it was some tension with me and Charlie but I got over it. Me and Drea was having fun but the lady in front of me was making my tummy hurt from her perfume it was tooooooooooooooooooo strong or just had on too much. I took them out for lunch before she left and we had a good time bonding.

Nov.26 Another long day

So I know I have work and really want to finish this shirt and spend some time with Drea so thats what I did. So we all went to Joana Fabrics and had fun. My mommy was actually being nice. She helped us find stuff and pick stuff up but Im just too happy because I can start my skirt when I get home from work. Ima make my umbrella skirt finally =). And I got my Chaka Khan cd to helpm me get through everything so Im set for greatness. Work made my day seem so long I hate when that happens I just wanted to die.

Nov. 25 The morning after

In all honesty I was tired of Thanksgiving food yesterday bt I ate some for breskfast to start my day. I started to get dressed to start my day after me and Drea had siter time. I went out with my friend before I went to work. I did feel bad for leaving my baby home because I never get to see her but she understood. As I thought about these last two days I realized that it never matters what others say because my family will always have me no matter what. like I got them sick as usual but they really took care of me and I did the same in return. I really love them. =)

Nov.24 Thanksgiving

I felt way better then last night because I can breathe now. All morning me, Drea and my mother were cooking but I got everybody a little sick so we made the best of it. We listened to all the old classics. Me and Drea danced around in the kitchen as we listened to Chaka Khan and the Temtations. I could tell my mommy wanted her boys there with us but thats life. Everything isnt ment to be how we want it because themn they would have to bring their "bagage". It was a good day to spend with the famnily. My friends wanted me to come over but it wouldnt have been the same. Its always different when its just you and yours thats when you feel the genuine love.

Nov. 23 DEATH

So Im mad because I didnt have to present yesterday and I went to school so now I feel worse then before. Coach said we had practice today and we didnt so I had to wait outside in a jean jacket for my mother. Well atleast Tymmy waited with me. I was so cold and I  could feel myself starting to get way worse. The only good thing was that we had our food rag today and I made the best out of that. When I got home I was weak and tired but couldnt sleep. I had real bad chills and couldnt really breathe. I swear Im about to die because it should never hurt this much to breathe or sleep or atleast try to sleep. I heard Drea downstairs but I was to weak to move. I had to call her to tell myh mommy to get me some real medicine. Drea brought me up some tea. They gave me some drugs and I went to sleep. I really felt like DEATH.

Nov. 21 Off to School

So I woke up this morning and got ready for school. I really didnt want to but I knew I had to, to present in fourth period. When I got to school I didnt see Ian  so I was confused because she is hallarious. Since I been blonde for forever I guess people forgot who I was. I been changing my hair and hair color like this since middle school. People wierd. But it doesnt matter because I like it.. I had practice today too. Im really starting to hate cheerleading and its not because of the sport its the people everybody wants to be fake durning try-outs  or try to show off like ewwwww yall not getting far like that because you cant keep it up forever. but Im going home to try to finish this stuff if im not to tired.

Nov.21 Home sick

So I stayed home today thinking it would help me feel a litle better for tomorrow. The thing is I actually feel descent but to be on the safe side Im going to stay home. I think it would be better since I have a presentation to present tomorrow. I worked on my porfolio today when I wasnt sleepy or feeling weak. For the most part im done the shirt I just have to do some editing and make it a bit more "wearable". This is getting sort of stressful when I have to do everything for the moost part on my own but this is what I want so Im going to do it. =) Oh and I finally changed my hair color I was tired of being blonde. I was a faithful blonde but its time for something new. Im thinking carribean blue =)

Nov. 20 NO BETTER

I still feel bad but I went to church. It usually makes me feel better and it did because I felt like death when I woke up now i just feel like half of Death :(.  I dont think I should go to school tomorrow  but I know I should to learn and all that jazz. I keep listening to Rihanna and its kind of creepy that this s ong wont get out my head.But I need to go take a nap or something so BYE!!!!!!!!!!!

Nov. 19 Finally

I finally got the maniquine from Drea to start my designs so they can finally get out of my head. I have to go get some mor fabric but I dont feel like asking my mommy. I was so cold today  I think Im getting worse. I went to work and couldnt wait for Khristen to come in because I was bored and their daughter was there and she getts to close. I dont like when children Im not too fond of get in my personal space and touches my stuff. And she sloppy so I didnt know if she washed her hands or anything so it was kind of gross. When Khristen came in it started getting fun after Hannah left. We played in some wigs and just acted a foo for the rest of the day. I was okay besides the fact I felt TERRIBLE.

Nov. 18 Work

I hate working on Fridays because Khristen not here to make time go by fast and its only me Joe and Hannah here. Hannah always so mad about something that  probally is bot even that serious and Joe wants to have fun but seems like he cant baecause he has to answer to Hannah, I hope my marrage not like that because I wont be married for long then. He look so unhappy but that's not my business. I feel sick today I wish I felt better. But these boring conditions not going to make it any better for me.

Nov. 17 Offerings

So I keep looking out for people but its not the same here all the time but its okay. I saw my fat boy today and took care of him because he is too sick to take care of himself. I guess I can always lend a helping hand because you never know when your going to need help in the same way. I went out my way to buy him medicine and soup. I was getting annoyed because when people get sick they think they cant do anything at all. That is never the case but I didnt complain.But ona beter note I started making scene plans for the "photoshoots" so I should be good next month because Drea is my model and she understands me for the most part. I just hope Pratt sees what I have to offer.

Nov. 16 READY

So over these past couple of days I keep learning more about myself because I have to push myself more. Nobody is physically here that knows what I can do to push me to keep going on strong. So I have to just keep myself focused through everything even though I have a lot to do. I stress my ownself but thats why i  have to do better for me and keep going. I started making a plan on when Im going to start making the stuff. I talked to Drea so she can help over break and we can make alterations and fitting plans. So things getting real corporate like for me. So wish me luck =)

Nov. 15 About to be like Yeezy

So yet again I have another dream killer. People like this need to really tink about their plae before they speak to people like me. My sister did not rear a failure so why do they keep trying to knock me like Im not talented. If you never seen the talent then dont speak because it was not ment for you to see you just sound like a hater. But I must be honest they do just make me more ambitious even if I wanted to fail I couldnt because its not me. Dont let people make you feel like following your dream is going to end in regret. As long as it makes you happy go for it or yopur regret will be that you never even tried to reach for it. No matter what people will try to put you down even if they dont know you but you have to push your self with a few hand behind you to keep pushing even when you want to give up. So with that said I have two new quotes till Im done with this fashion stuff.......

"Now I could let these dream killers kill my self-esteem
Or use my arrogance as the steam to power my dreams
I use it as my gas, so they say that I'm gassed"
Kanye West

"Motivation for me was them telling me what I could not be,
Oh well, Im so ambitious"

Jay-Z

Nov.14 Dreams

Today I had a pretty good day. I got to see my daddy today which is always a joyous occassion. I was able to get some things for my porfolio but its hard to do things like this when people close to you doubt you. Honestly if you dont believe in me and what I want to do then dont speak on it at all. People like that just seem like they want to take your joy and your shine. Just because you are unhappy dont try to kill my dream. My daddy, my siblings, my bestfriend and my niece just know wht to say to get me back focused though, Im still determined to make them proud of me.

Nov. 13 Assistant Pastor's Ordienation

I went to church today and talked to Charlie about some stuff. We all had to speak about assistant pastor today since her ordination is at four . Christian spoke first then I spoke and ect. I didnt have much to say and neither did anybody else. But I feel  like people just think it is about how much you say rather then what you say and that should never be the case. A person who says very little has the power to change nations but a person who says too much can break nations. But I feel good now about my school choices. I know Im not what would usually be at those schools but I know God will give me a choice as to where I ca go because time and time again he shows me and others that I have talent. im about to go to the ordinations so I will write back tomorrow.

Nov. 12 The Expo

The Expo was today I had a good time with everybody it helped me see who I should keep in my life because they helped me get over being nervous. I saw a lot of schools but I know I could have gotten in but I dont go to places like that because I rather have a challenge in front of me.I was mad though because Howard took so long to come and they where the ionly reason why I went and they didnt even do on site admissions but I guess its better of me so they can read my essay and have a better idea of who I am. I did get into Dillard and they have my majors but I dont think I would go there. I want to go to Pratt so bad but I keep feeling like Im going to get rejected because I want to go there so bad. Im getting irratated becaus epeople have little faith in me but i have to just shake it off because GOD already said that great things will come from me so Im not tripping off them but I know they better not ask for nothing from me in the future.

I had work after Expo I think Hannah mad at me because I couldnt come in early but I really dont care. Kristen came in early though. surprisingly we get along so well and it makes Hannah so mad =). We had too much fun at work today but Hannah kept trying to put me down nut I was calm even hough I wanted to go off on her.  I really can controll my temper better now and Im proud of myself now. But I think Im going to sleep when I get home, too many people today.

Nov. 11 To many ones today

Today was Veteriens day but Im not sure why we didnt have a moment of silence this morning at 11:11 but okay. My AVID, APES and Bio family make me laugh and smile a lot today which made me forget about how much I have to do that really isnt started. I have to rush tio work after school today which means Im really going to be tired tonight. I hate work. I had to wait for my mommy in the cold to get me from school because i dont remember what bus I ride and Ash couldnt get me. When I get to work I was happy because hannah wasnt there then she came in and messed up my day. I was doing good ignoring them because
I know they where talking about me but I dont care because they going to be the mad ones when I can buy them and make them work for me so its okay. I was my best friend after work but he couldnt stay for long because the Expo is tomorrow.

Nov. 10 They See the GREATNESS

Today was Kendies birthday she finally got older so we both 17. I went with her to her fitting and stuff and helped her have a good time on her birthday. I was a little down and melencholy  todaybecause I felt like I cant do all this stuff for my porfolio in the give amount of time. I didnt text my best friend but she sent me the best message ever she told me how much she loves me and how proud she is of because she know Imj going to be "a star". I realized that I really need her and my sister here because they are my support when nobody else is even there to think about me. They know I do let my pride get in the way of some much to even ask for help from anyone but they know their words will get me through it. Im going to do it all and be the best at it. drea is helping me with some modeling and stuff but Im not sure how I would get out there but I want to do it so bad. The man Im suppose to be modeling for called me today but I dont think Im going to be able to get out there on Sunday because its assistant pastor's ordienation so I just need a blessing. IM GOING TO MAKE THEM PROUD

Nov. 9 TOO GOOFY

Im not sure why Tymmy like me but he do Im such a gooof. So he walked me home today and all i really wanted to do was play so while we were walking he kept pushing me in the bushes. I really felt some way about that because I was trying to explain to him that I could have died but he wasnt listening and kept doing it. He honestly thought it was funny but it wasnt at all. He really  does make me feel like I can be myself because he jsut tinks its cute when I know its not  =). When we got to my house we went to the park and I told him I want a puppy for Christmas just to see what he would say but he told me I would loose it because I through the leaf he gave me away but itswas ugly. So I kept all the other leaves he gave me after that. We talked a lot so he makes me feel like he actaully likes me =) yayay me. He met my mommy today and she was actually nice Im so proud of her. She wouldnt tell me if she thought he was cute so I dont know even though she didnt say he was ugly.

Nov 8 Bible Study and college stuff

Today was just one of those days if I didnt do it now I would have probally never started. So9 today I talked to my sister about getting all my stuff together for my porfolio and when she would be free to do a "photoshoot" for me. This was like the jump start to trying to get done everything before Christmas break. I feel like my mother is realy going to make this process so much harder for me because she doesnt want me to go to school for fashion ut she doesnt understand thats my passion so to speak. I know I can do it though Im way to ambitious not to.

I took my sketches and stuff to bible study because this stuff really just needs to get done and be first on my list. our descussion was about realationships and stuff and since Im the only girll in the class I get asked random questions. But most of the questions only related to me and Charlie because thats my baby/best friend like I would do any thing for him and I dont even feel like that towards most of my boyfriends so he is like super special to me. But we do have like a secrete crush on eachother but its not really a secrete because we already planned to get married its so weird. But I love my bestfriend. =)

Nov. 7 TGIM

Today we did the TGIM in AVID but I was already in a good mood for the most part from my first two classes. APES usually puts me in a good mood and so does Bio its just when we do certain things in certain classes that are just tedious irratates me.  I feel a little worst fro last week and extra cold Im starting to think Im anemic but Im not sure. But the TGIM was okay I just wish he would deliver it better rather then yell into the camera,  nobodywants that on a Monday. Some pointys he talked about where be a change to a situation or environment, be a blessing and stop being a child. I feel like I doost of these things but you cant change certain situations if thats the way they where already set out before you where there or if people are just stuck in their ways there is very little you can do to change them. But the rest of my day was okay I was just tired from the little sleep and fun I get on the weekends.

Nov. 6 Church

My mommy did opening prayer in church today I so proud of her she moving up in the church game. i got to see my Charlie today I missed him so much we sat next to each other and had a good time like old times. Geey came to church to he my new friend h looked all nice and attractive but we was in church so I only said hi. for the rest of the day I going to try to get my mommy to take me shopping because i love her =).

Nov. 5 First Saturday without KAYKAY

So I dont really feel all too well today and I have to work, this is going to be a long day. KayKay is gone so its just me and Kiristen today she is cool I guess we really dont talk all to much but when we doo its too funny. Neither of us think that Hannah likes us but who really knows. Tymmy brought me hot chocolate at work today because I didnt really al too peachy. I thoght that was so cute that he actually cares that much to make sure I get better. He couldnt stay long because he had to go out and I was working but after heleft so many people came in. I keep seeing hairy females too and that wasnecver attractive to look like your botfriend or husband please get it together ladies. I was suppose to see Tymmy when I got off but he was still out. Instead I saw my childhood friend Justen he likes me and Im not quite sure why because if I knew me for that long I wouldnt like me.

Nov. 4 No school but Work

Tymmy came over for a little while before I had to go to work. We just played around and ate nothing to serious. I wanted to go outside but it wqas way too cold to play today. We left my house arounf 1:55 so I could go to work but I kept forgetting stuff so I wqas like 2 minutes late but it was okay because I came in early. I worked alone and that was good because I only like one of the two new girls and she didnt work today. it was slow but I got through it. Went to bed early because I was tired of standing and being bored all day.

Nov. 3 Pep ralley

So I was ay too confused today because the cheerleaders where suppose to be making some type of poster thing for the football players and nobody knew what time we were suppose to leave. I was late to third period messing around with them but its okay I guess I just have to get him a pass. I ws nervous to perform at the pep rally but I honestly dont know why because its never that serious. I guess its just a good nervous feeling to make me want to do better because even though people dont believe me I so shy its crazy. So we performed it was oka the pep rally could have been better but mmhm. Tymmy walked me home because it was the cute thing to do and on our way home my coach say us and yelled "AAAAAWWWWWW AMBER!!" out the window then I saw my chorus teacher from middle school and he said awww too it was funny. but my day ended well for the most part.

Nov.2 Piecing it together/ GameTime

I hate when I have to write about certain experiences because I get all emotional and its a mess. I wanted to cry writting my essay but since I dont cry in public I held it all in. I was excited though because powder puff was today and I have my team all around me oday and they kept me going. I would have to say that me and Andrea was dropping the juniors because they started tackling first so we had to let them know. Im just a little upset that they where trying to jump Jessica at the end and that I came out with bruises on my leg like
GOSH it was never that serious. It was a "cute" game.

Nov. 1 Editing this Essay

So today I had practice for powder puff and cheerleading and it was pretty good. I talked to Mrs. Catherell about my essay and she said that she would help me with it. I always have this problem where the writing is good but its not focused and structured. I need to work on that before college because my thoughts always come faster then what I can type or write. Working on the structure of my experience essay tonight wish  me luck.

Oct.31 Halooween

I went trick otr treating today but it was super cold. I guess I still want to secreatly be a little kid but its hard when you HAVE TOO grow up. Tymmy walked me home from school which I was surprised he did because I had to stay after school for my recommendation letters and to talk to a couple of teachers about some things. I hope that everything comes together as planed because I think I atually know for sure what I want but I dont know if its what I am supopse to do. But anyway it feels like we skipped fall and went straight into winter  because I think I am slowly but surely getting sick. HOPE I FEEL BETTER.

Oct. 26 Sorry no pictures this week

I know on Monday and Tuesday I didnt put any pictures up but they areon my phone they just cant be sent yet. But today was dress for sucess and Tymmy looked so cute =). I was going to dress up but I couldnt fing anything to wear and if I did I would have been super crazy lateso I just threw on a dress and called it a day but I did feel bad because me and Tymmy were going to be spiffy today together. I have to go to practice today but I honestly dont want to. evrybody is always so grumpy now and by me being me I really do hate it because it brings my spirit down. and they always get mad that Im happy like why yall so bitter GOSH!!!!!

Oct. 25 Competiton in 5 days

We keep getting stressed out because competition is in 5 days so  it is tooo many emotions in practice like really yall need to get it together. Everyone wants to place so everyone has their own input on things but I honestly dont care about what they think. Coach is starting to get annoyed with them and I really feel bad for her because she has more faith in us then most of us have in ourselves and that is really sad. I love them but if somebody else trys to blame me for something they are doing wrong I think i might have to tell them about their selves.

Oct. 24 the start of a stressful week

I know for a fact that this week is going to be too stressful for me but I will maintain a smile. I am begining to feel like a lot of things that I want for myself really are not ment for me because I am always so iffy about them. But today something told me to start looking at Pratt Institute for college but honestly I cant even focus enough on the schools I already have on my list so I guess no early admissions for me =(. I wish October was not so busy for me with jugling work, cheerleading and all this college stuff I really feel like im not going to be done by Monday. GOD HELP ME

Sun. Oct. 23 Good Night Good Mornings

So my night last night gave me a great start to my day. Had a normally strange but random dream as usual so I wastalking to Drea about it this morning. I teted T'Nea and Tymmy this morning so they made my morning exquisite. I had a good day at church Pastor told me that she was proud of me and everything that I had been doing even though I do have a lot to do every day I have my priorities straight. I had a good time talking to Quan and Geezy they made me laugh a lot. Then I spent some time with my mommy but now I have to plan out my week and finish this project.

Sat. Oct. 22 Fast days

Today went by so fast I had to make work fun though. Everybody seemed depressed today but I hate when people are sad so I had to make them smile. I think today is me and KayKay's last day working together but I made the best of it, now work is about to be dry. Dylie Boy and Lucky came by to see me at work but coincedentally Toni was with them so it was so akward when we went outside to talk. I miss his big head self but good things always come to an end.I found out that I might be modeling in a fashion show in December depending on how my schedual works out but only time will tell with that so Im not going to get my hopes up on that.  Good thing Im going out tonight with Tymmy because I needed that release. Bri went with us and we saw Paranormal Activity but I didn't think it was scary at all it was actually funny to me. Tymmy made my day end with smiles so that means good nights.

Fri. Oct. 20 Prepreation

Today I had to get up early to get readty for practice. I woke up at 9 and practice starts at 10 I'm not sure how I made it there only 13min. later when I had to walk and my knee is still healing. I didn't leave the house until 9:43 I must be really dedicated because I thought i wasn't goning to get there to at the most 10:20 or 10:30. We had a preductive practice I was still emotional from yesterday though but the past is the past we can't rewrite it only create a better future. Im just suprised Im actually feeling some way about it because we weren't together for that long but it felt like so much longer. But I went Through practice and then went home and talked to Tymmy for the rest of the day.

Thur. Oct. 20 Untitled

Today was one of those days where if you read this you have to name it. Like to much stressful stuff has already taken place in this one week and it's only Thursday. I went through family stuff earlier this week now me and Toni broke up today but that's not the worst part; my godson's father died today so I have to put my jumble of emotions to the side to comfort T'Nea as much as I possibly can but it's hard when she's all the way in Texas and I am here. The only good thing that probally isn't all that good is that Micah is still young so he doesn't feel any type of way about it but now I know I have to work twice as hard to mark sure he has all that he needs. Honestly this is TOOOOOO EFFIN MUCH IN ONE DAY

Wes. Oct. 19th Boring

Nothing really happened today; it was just one of my boring plain days. All I did was go to school and practice. After practice I chilled with Allen and we talked for a while I got him something to get and I washed my clothes. Me and Toni was arguing through text messagebecause I wasnt home. He really starting to get on my nerves. I don't even know why I have a boyfriend. UGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!! I think I love him though because I was crying because I hate when he act like a jerk. Allen was acting all concerned to why I was crying. I know We could work through some of this but it's so annoying and stressful.

Oct. 18 My busy days

This morning we had a meeting with the underclassmen and I pray to God they took something in because I hate loosing when I know it could be so easy for us to win. Next time we need to devide them up and get some type of extra time because we had a lot to talk about with them. The seniors in Atlas talked about our next meeting because we all have the same adgenda which is to win son I'm going to need these underclassmen to get it together for everybody not just themselves. In AVID we looked at this Thank God it's tuesdaty thing I felt like it was kind of creepy because I didn't completely understand what he was talling about. He kept jumping from topic to topic and I couldn't focus anymore. We had a good practice after school everybody was stressed because competition is on the 29th and we want everything perfected. I went to bible study and Toni went with me but he was etting on my nerves because he always talking in bible study and I like to focus. He got mad atr me because I was annoyed with him but we got over it.

Mon. Oct. 17 Dre and Zaya

So today after practice I was suppose to do laundry but everything got post ponded due to the unexspected visit from Dre. I havent seen him in so long since he moved out and he brought Isiah. I was about to beat Isaih up he acting like he dont know who I am I should have punched him in the face but I couldn't because he is too small. I missed his little monkey faced self. We got home and Isiah was looking around like he wanted to remember were he was but he couldn't it was so cute. He kept getting mad at me because I kept giving him back to Dre but he was being phoney. I wish Drea and Vernon was with us but I can't always have what I want. I just miss my family I hate being the youngest because everybody gone when you want them. Well anyway Treese came by to get Isaih but that's another story to tell.

Oct. 16 Good Service

Tym woke me up today with the cutest text I actually felt special haven't had that in weeks. I got up and got ready for church Toni can to drop off my ipod after two weeks. He went to the loop and me and my mommy went to church. Today's sermin was so good it made me remember that I can't do it with my Iown example because that's not an example it's just doin it.It really made me miss my family. Thank God for them because I wouldn't be able to press on with out them.

Oct. 15 I miss my other Family =(

This morning I went out with my past which is not the best thing to do when your present is effing up and your future keeps texting your phone. (I GOT WAY TO MANY BOYS I WANT TO BE UGLY GOSH but with my same face) We went out to get coffee and he got me breakfast we spent most of the morning together and he really made me want to be single. I miss having the best that I worked soooooo effin hard for and right now I'm back at the drawing board with no materials it's crazy. We went back to his house and I saw his daddy and the babies (I really missed them). One of the reasons I went out this morning because Toni really got under my skin lastnight and I cant do it any more. When my departed he offered to get me lunch before work but I had to decline that  or I would have been late to work. I actually had a normal day at work  which I haven't had in such a long time. I texted Toni and he already knew I wanted to brerak up with him but when I got off and I got around him I couldn't do it it was so crazy like I HATED him this week but I can't give up it's not in me to quit. So we talked about it and had a good night together something we havent had in weeks. I guess we might last a little longer )

Oct. 14 Down physically and emotionally

I dont understand why I been so irrattated and bi-polar like but I know Toni and everybody else is starting to think I really am bi-polar. He told me that yesterday but I didn't take it how I usually do i actually felt some type of way lastnight. I couldn't walk up the stairs today because my knee was really hurting I could barely sleep at all lastnight it was a mess. my mother had the nerve to ask me could I walk after I got dressed and limped down the steps. People need to stop asking rhetorical questions at the wrong times. Honestly I dont want to go to the doctor because the take to long and I get charged for something I could have done which is stretch and wrap my knee.-_- Kendie helped me up the stairs in school but she was walking faster then me but it's the thought that counts lol. I sat in practice because I felt bad that I couldn't practice but stuff happens it's life. Me and Bri walked well she walked and I limped to Kendie house because she left us and I hope she read this and feels bad. My knee was cracking and tightening up like crazy it was really hurting but I got over it. I wanted to play but I couldn't so I had to watch stupid Jersey Shore (ewwwww) I hate that show. but I did have a good time and I got two candy apples by the end of the night.

Oct. 13 Definately thought it was Monday

Today was so good I talked to Xavire and Eric about some stuff I had to get their oppinion on and I saw Tym and that made me happy. Since we had a day off yesterday I swore it was Monday in my head it was tooo crrazy for me. I guess I needed the extra sleep. My classes I got sort of tired in them but I stayed up took my notes did my work ect. I went to pratice worked on some stunts but at the end of practice I think I sprained my knee it hurt but I dont cry about stuff like that because the pain will go away sooner then later. I was weird because the way it happened but Bria helped me a lot she got me ice and stuff. We got cupcakes because it was Coach Brittany's birthday and I realized JV is a mess nobody really said happy birthday to her but they wanted cupcakes which was pretty selfish. Varsity sang to her and all the before we knew we could even get any like that s your coach and yall that rude. SMDH wht a shame. Everybody want to recieve but never want to earn nothing.

Oct. 12 OMG ITS RAINING

So I get to see Drea today and Bri coming with me. HORRAY!!!!!!!!!!! I love my sister more then anything in the world like she is my heart, my backbone and then somepeople really don't unerstand. So Toni woke me up today because he is going with me and Bri . When he called I got up texted Bri and got in the shower. I meet up with Bri and we proceedto the loop to get on this lobng bus ride to Morgan. Me and Bri was just talking and everything with some interruptions from Toni calling. We had to meet him at Charles Center so thats what we did but we couldn't find each other and by now I was irrattated with him like one of those moods where if he dont stfu I might go off. So I started geeking with bri and she understood why I been thinking about breaking up with him. When we got to Morgan I got all chipper and Amberish again because Drea tends to do that to me. We didnt do much but talk and all that other stuff we do but we didnt have much time to be together because Bri had to be home soon and topni wanted to see his daddy. We left and Toni daddy picked us up but it was akward because I m,ight break up with his son and I feel akward.  I got to see his little brother who was like my bestfriend for a day. We got a ride home and Toni slept in my lap he was so cute it made me want to stay with him.  The same person you cant stand can be the same person to make you smile. =) Today was a good day......for the most part.

Oct. 11 Cant wait for Wensday

I really realized that the mood you go to bed with has the ability to stick with you and last night I went to bed annoyed. Im starting to see why I was single for so long like having to worry about other people's feelings because you care about them is so annoying. I know I'm not the best girlfriend in the world but gosh you dont have to make me feel like that or you dont want to be with me.  But I did have the opportunity to talk to some of my male friends to help me. ( I hate talking to girls about my boy problems because they give bad advise sometimes). The more I try to understand I get confused and irratated. When I got home from practice I called my god-brother's wife to see if I still had to watch her daughter but she didn't answer so I got ready for bible study. She called back in bible study but I was learning about being a disciple. When I called her back she tried to get in my bushes because I couldn't watch her daughter yesterday but I figured if you don't know someone you would like to meet them if they are taking care of your child and you wouldn't ask 3 hours in advance if you could have asked yesterday. That sort of messed up my night then Toni came over and annoyed me so I went to sleep on him because we were clashing. at least i get my shoes tomorrow.

Oct. 10 Another long week

It seems like we dont get a real weekend any more to me it is too much to do. I keep making plans for me to get on track with my college stuff but when I start something always comes up and makes me feel like I really need my own time. I put so much on my plate because I know I can handel it but when you start adding extra people in to the equation I get so stressed and tired. I just want a hiatus soooooo bad but I have to suck it up. Hard work and determination leaves you time to rest later and thats what I want so no time for breaks. Im just happy that my first period makes me feel better in the morning because if I didn't have them I honestly think I would be grumpy all the time and i dont need that at all. I love them so much.

Oct 10 Pretty in Pink Sunday

I honestly dont know where my day is going, I was tired but got a good sleep and people just want to be mad at me for stupid reasons. I found out Im going to Woodlawn homecoming and we going to have oodles of fun. I just have to see if I have to call out of work or not. I was suppose to meet up with the lady who's daughter Im suppose to watch but she still has not clled me sop Im not sure about that. I went to church today the surmen was good and I saw Jasean it was cool but now I must see what the rest of my day is looking like.

Oct 9 I really want to quit but I cant

I really cant stand my job I was having a good day until I had to deal with these trifflin costumers. I saw a lot of people I missed talk to my  young boy today he make me laugh a lot. I was feeling really good until Hannah thought some girl stole some cheap hair. I was helping this drunk man with his 15mon. old daughter and I was getting annoyed because he kept trying to really get my number and stuff and all I wanted him to do was find a product and leave. I felt so bad for his daughter because she was so cute and had to deal with this for the rest of her life she didn't deserve that. Kay kay was in the bathroom and more costumers came in but they already knew what they wanted so I didn't bother to ask. Hannah was yelling for Kaykay but she was using the bathroom. Hannah made a big scene about some hair irratating everybody but the girl never stole the hair in the first place. Hannah wanted to be me and Kaykay best friend after it was all said and done. So I just waited to get off but I did see this cute wig I want so I might have to get that. And some lady I had to hep finda wig stunk and gave me a headach I was just done after that. Today was just a mess.

Oct 6 Game Day

For some reason I always get to cheer when the wheather is crazy. Today its super cold and we are cheering at Lansdown. I feel like away game make us closer but sometimes it doesnt matter when we come back to New Town.I honestly didnt really ant to cheer because one it was cold and two I forgot some of the cheers. I could do something about the second one butthe first was out of my control. on the ride to lansdown it felt real nice outside it was when we started to cheer when the problems came. We had make a circle with the Lansdown cheerleades and we where getting along just fine it wasnt until we started cheering when they started hating us. Everytime we go to an away game we come real mutual then we leave they hate us. our cheers where better and we weere louder then them. Even though our cheers are a bit offensive they have to understand this is like a competition so its time to compete. The coach called us trash but I guess it was jealous. The black girl on their team said the only reeason we were loud was because we are black which didnt make any sense at all because she was black too. But over all it was a good game we won and I got to go home and get warm =).

Oct 7 Another day off

No practice today so I thought Iwould ghave time to rest for the rest of my life. I been so tired lately I have to stop stressing about everything. I was suppose to spend my afternoon with Toni but he is never home when I tell him to come home early. He make me feel like he dont care its soooooooooooooooo annoying. so I walked home with Jordan and Bri it was chills felt like I needed to be around some "friends" for once. Me and Bri decidedto go harrass Kendie but only after we dropped our stuff off and went top 7 11. I was tired when we go to Kendie house but I had fun with them they always know how to make me feel bad and happy at the same time.They helped me with my silly boy problems which are not really problems just me having too many choices. I kind of fell asleep on them out of no where but it was because I havent really been sleeping like I should. I get to sleep  tonight. I guess I am not seeing Toni tonight I miss him though.

Oct 5 nice surprise

I love good surprised on a boring day it just makes it way more fun. So today after my late practice I was a little annoyed so I didnt really want to talk to any body. I was really tired so I didnt go to church with my mommy tonight I stayed home and started my homework. Toni called me and I had to kind of calm him down. five minutes later Drea called saying she was coming over to pick some stuff up. I was so happy because I saw my daddy on Monday and now my sister today I felt loved. I did feel a bit of tension when everybody got to my house though because drea is sick and rushing and Toni was just mad so I had to try to appease everyone which was stressful. Toni thinks he still should get all my attention when my family is stopping by but I dont think that its fair to anyone but him. Drea told me that she was going to be performing but she had to network tonight so I just haveto pray everything goes as planned.

Oct. 4 SMH EVEN IN THE CHURCH

Even church people can be a mess andit can really show. How can you clame to be a in tune with God but you are quick tempered and dont know how to act even in the house of the Lord. I cant get into detail about the story but me and my mans Charlie had to remember we where in church. All I can really tell is that class was going on very calm and pleasent as usual until they started relating things back to real ife. Charlie made a couple of points like a lot of you would not honestly act like this if the situation was brought to you in that manner. So pastor decided to make some examples, she asked me since I am going to get married on day if my husband had a problem with me going out on Saturday to evangelize and I know he likes his breakfast ready when he gets up but i forgot to make it how would I go about this. because she already made the point that the breakfast was not made I answered the question like so, "I wouldn't be with someone who has a problem with me doing the Lords work and I would just pick him something up on the way home." All the older women had a problem with it saying I should have made it before I left and asked him could I go. Well in my mind I thought I answered the question and you cant change the senario but I got over all the comments. But Charlie couldnt get over a certain person's mother tried to go on him so I had to calm him down. I was really a mess.

Oct 3 2011 DADDY'S Girl

Today all I could wait for was that text from my daddy because he is suppose to come by and dro[p some stuff off to me. No matter how much time I get to spend with him is something to charish because I love my daddy so much but I never really get to see him for personal reasons. I was suppose to cheer at the volleyball game today but I would never dare to leave him waiting for me especially sice it's freezing outside that would be horrid. So after school I walked home to make sure I was in the appointed place at the appointed time. My mother picked me  up on my cold walk home because it was raining. When my daddy texted me around 5:30 I started to get ready so my mommy could run me by the subway so I could get my stuff. When I saw him I really felt like a little girl again I just wanted to run to him and jump on him but I didnt. i did run to him and gave him a hug to made me remember when I was like eight and I would see him and huig him as tight as my little body could. I literally had a smile from ear to  ear. I'm honestly a daddy's girl. When he gave me my stuff he told me to look inside and he said " You can never say I dont love you." I smiled and waited till I got home to open it. It was a interim from fourth grade. The funny thing is that it reflects me now, I'm goofy but still smart but mostly cant sit for long periods of time and focus on one thing.

Oct 1 2011 SAT

The only thuing that has been on my mind all week was the SATs and I have to take them today. I woke up around 4 in he morning because I thought I was ready. I looked at the clock and said oh no I need to go back to sleep or Im going to do terrible. so I rolled back over and went back to sleep. I woke up again at 6:18 am and was energized in a way but when 6:20 came around the time I planned to wake up I wanted to go back to bed but I got up and got dressed. I prepared everything the night before rather then wait till the morning like I did my first time. I prayed like 40 times this morning and my pastor texted me so it made me a bit more calm. When it was time to test Im going to be honest I was nervous but the essay question made sense so it took a load off. As the test went on everything got a bit simpler but when I did feel myself getting overwhelmed I would stop and pray because I feel like no matter the score I get I can only say thank God that I didnt have a nervous break down and freak out. When the test was over I had to rush home and get ready for work but in between that time Andrea came over to make me smile. Work was simple not too many costumers and I got to get a hair cut so I feel  clean. Tonight Im going to bed early Im tired!!!!!!!

Oct 2 2011 Gray Sundays

For it to be gray and gloomy today is crazy because its Sunday the sun should be out and shining. This is crazy how cold it is too. Last week it was barable but not today Im freezing and I wore a dress to church. By the way my pastor came back yesterday but I got to finally see her today Im so happt I missed her so much. What she preached had me thinking about my life (the little 17 years that I have) and where Im going. Thats a lot to think about I mean because its not aboput what I want because I get myself in trouble but God wouldnt just let you out to fend for yourself because He wont leave you or forsake you. Toooo Thankful   right now. But Im going to take some time to rest and do what I need to do to prepare myself for the week. Remember to keep your head up because thats where you blessing come down from. And relax because not everything is in your control.

Sep 29 Nothing to do but study

No time for games today it was dedicated to studying for the SATs and to studying for my biology test tomorrow. I had very little time to my self to relax because I was trying to keep my mind busy. I studied in the blue SAT book for a while rhen in the all night book and finally my biology notes. I alternanted them all day till I decided my brain needed a brake so I cleaned up for a while then got right back too my studies. Around like 4:45 Toni came over after he came from class and I got some down time till a few hours later when he fell asleep and I started studying again. I really hope this pays off on Saturday.

Sep 28 NO PRACTICE

Today is going to be the best rest of my life because we dont have school tomorrow and I dont have practice today which mean Toni can come over and help me with some work I need to do. I went through all my classes today not feeling any type of stress becauase practice makes me feel like I have to rush through everything when I get home but not today I get to do all of my homework. I had a quiz in Biology today didnt do sso well but it really just shows me that I really need to find a way that fits me to study and actually retain the information that I am studying. The rest of my classes felt real simple today that was such a relief. I walked home with Jordan and Brionna and it was fun I never really get any time to be around people except for school because of practice and work. When I got home I started my homework and cleaned up the house till my mother got home then Toni came over and I finally had time to relax. This is what I have been needing.

Sep. 26 Monday Mornings arent that bad

Today should be a pretty good day, I mean it has too since it starts off my week and because BGC come on tonight. Im proud that I remembered this time because any other time I forget and then tomorrow I would be like darn I forgot again. I had to rush this morning to get myself together but it was okay as long as I am niot late and I have everythong for my day today. I went to class got all my work done and too a few notes for most  of my classes. In APES I had a test i feel like I did goood but when I feel like that I usually didnt because I took it off of things that I already thought I knew and that could be incorrect. We did have practice today and I am actually ready to go to practice. We are mostly just wiorking on the stunts for the upcoming competition but we still need a lot of work before we are completely confident in what we are doing. I am sort of proud in our progress but I kow we can do better. Andre came by to visit me today (my brother) and that made me feel good that hemisses me because he is never really emotional like that. We played around for a while, I can tell my mommy missed him because she was yelling at him as usual. I got some chestnut congtacts today Toni loves them and Andre hates them but it doesnt matter because i like looking like a wolf. =)

Sep. 27 2011 Random Tuesdays

Today started off so lethargic like I was tired but I got dressed and everything quickly. My night before had me in a decent mood to get up and start my week. When I got up and got dressed this morning it was not that much of a inviting Tuesday just very bland. I rushed and got dressed really wishing the weekend was longer but life goes on. When I went down stairs to get into the car to leave for school I saw this cat that looks just like how my hair would when it would color unevenly; this was the first time I ever seen a cat just sleeping in my bushes so it sort of brightened up my day. I thought it was cute how when my mother came outside the cat woke up and looked at her like she was crazy then went back to sleep. My day was how it usually is but I was actually happy to be in school because I know that tomorrow I do not have practice. So as my day proceed I went on to practice and everything went well for a change. We worked on some new stunts for competion and Bria got her flip so we where making big moves today. I hope Friday's practice goes the same way. When I got home I did take a nap which made me slightly late for bible study but I just feel like as long as Im there that's all that should matter right?

Sep 30 2011 GIRLS AND GRADES

Today was a good day for me I was a little confused on my bio test because I couldnt remember the material all too much which really sucks but I know what I need to do now. I have to study on a continuious bases to remember the information rather then try to cram. I hope to God I do beyond my exspectations tomorrow because I really need this. I got to staduy in AVID todayfor my SATs so I hope the help Prosper gave me I remember. I really know that I can do beyond fair its just I hate test. I got my interm today and I did okay I need to keep my grades up to raise my GPA and to show schools I can be all that they want and need. I hope the underclassmen focus why more then what I did because we all are going to have to live with our regrets and life so you better hope they dont invovle your education. There was almost a fight in practice which was wild because people not loyal to the team when they are not even suppose to be in practice with us. But this is just a bump ion the road for the time being. Well Im about to finish studying for the SATs so good night.

Sep. 24 2011 Confusion

So why did I get waken up five in the morning to be asked did I want to get some coffee -_-. I was too mad. You cant wake people up like that then dont want to take no for an answer. Around seven I did get up and go get some coffee with that particular person and they really dont like the fact that I have a boyfriend but I think its so cute. We went to the park with our Starbucks and talked till like 8:30 9o'clock. We still love each other its weird but when I get home Toni not keeping his word and giving me my iPod back before church so he making me rethink stuff because he been acting like a stinker all day. I want my iPod ugh he irratating me, my headphones are lonely. Church today was okay I couldnt focus all to much, way too much on my mind with everything on my mind its way too many people in my life and some of them need to remove themselves from my presents. I still dont understand why people like me I know I can be awesome but I just dont like people too much. Why dont people understand that????? I need my music to think about all this.

Sep. 24 2011 I really hate work

So before work Toni came over because I didnt see him yesterdsy night after the game and I didnt talk to him before I went to sleep. I let him hold my iPod till I go off work so I had to listen to the Koreans all day which is the worst thing ever for me -_-. They can barely understand what anybody Is saying but think they know EVERYTHING. From two to eight I was trying to take my mind off the time so it wiould more faster it was helping until three when it felt like five then at five and I wanted it to be six so I could run and get a shape-up  real quick. All day I was getting compliments on my shoes and my hair of course but I was just getting tired of people staring at me for like ten minutes and not speaking after I just said Hello in my nice voice with a fake smile. And some girl was staring at me all day and I didnt just see her once or twice today either. I was regreting giving Toni my iPod because when nobody in in the store and the radio keeps playing the same thing you start to go crazy. Around six nobody is really in the store but once when seven roll around everybody and they mother wantsto come in and but weave and a wig yall had all day for that, this is rediculous. It never felt like it wouldcome but eight came and I went. When I got home I talked to Charlie and he wanted to go to the boweling alley but plans changed ten minutes later as usual so I called Toni to see where he was and he was on his way back out here to see me. We relaxed for the rest of the night because I was a little tired.

Sep 23 Friday should have been yesterday

I woke up thinking about the induction since I know we have to write about it today. All I could think was positive things about it except the fact I really wanted a light skin cupcake and couldn't have one. I was so happy Ms.Brown said we didnt have to take our test today because it would have been a mess. When I got to AVID I didnt have all to much to write about for the induction but Idid tell all my thoughts so thats all that should matter. We had some difficulties when we had to pick a house song because everybody has different prferences so it was just getting annoying. And everybody just felt like this was the time to do everything but what we where suppose to be doing that was getting annoying too. When the bell rung I was to happy because I ws getting annoyed after a while. When I got to health they were getting on my nerves too and Mr. Soler kept trying to pop my balloon which wasnt nice at all. We started a presentation that I have to finish. I had a game in the rain today the football team was going againist Dundalk which was pretty interesting because I didnt want to be there at all and uit was cold and raining. Who ever wanted to cheeer in this is a jerk!!!! When we were chering it was so cute because their cheerleadiders had more people then we did and they werent  that loud and they wanted to booooo us during half time but when we did our stunts they were silent. Before the game it was a rea pretty rainbow and it mak me happy and sad (my emotions were so confused).

Sep. 22 Induction

Tonight is the AVID induction but Im debating whether or not to go to practice but I'm going to bring my practice clothes just in case I go. I went through my day the same as I do any other day but I realized that school days feel redundent. I been doing the same thing since nineth grade for the most part school, practice then I go home soooooo boring. All day I was waiting for practice so because it was one step to me going home. In practice I listened to Wish. I listened to her durning the warm up and through the lap we had to run. We always have to run a lap when I dont really feel all that awesome. I got through most of my stupid lap but I took like three breaks because Im a fat kid and we dont run. When we ran our laps if you talked about anybody outside on the squads you had to run two laps but I ran one and a half because what I said was the truth but it was still not the right thing to do. A lot of people lied because they didnt want to run the extra lap which was a mess. When practice was over we went ovr some stunts to see if they would go up and to help junior varsity. I rushed home when my mommy go there tio get ready for the induction. The truely honestly best part of the induction was when me and Jason go to light the new scholars torches because I did get to meet some the scholars in Atlas. It also made me see why some people got placed in certain houses and who I was sort of happy did get placed in Atlas. When I got home I thought about all the things that I wanted the new people to get out of being in the same house as me. This was the first induction that actually ment something to me.

Sep. 21 Atlas Getting Things Done

On Monday we found out that we could get more time to work on our bored so I have been thinking about things we could add to to our board. In first period most of Atlas are in that class so we filled Jason in on what we where doing in class today. So I went through second period did mjy work and off to AVID I went. As soon as we got in we where ready to do what was needed to really complete this board because before we just did enough to say that we were complete but today we really needed to do some work. I could not let my name be attached to some rushed work with little meaning behind it just to get it done no not happening. So I through out some ideas and it seemed like everybody liked them so thats what we went for. We added more effects so the board wouldn't look so boring and dry. So we really worked together today for us all being leaders we really did work together well to get what we needed done. I think it was because we all had the sme thought and that was to get this done so we don't get a zero. That was the thought the class before that so Im guessing it stayed the same. At the end of it all we were all proud of our work and it felt good to actually have people you can depend on when you work in a group (for the most part everybody). When we finished the board it made the rest of my day so much better because it was onre less burden to have on my mind. We didnt have practice toay so I went home with Kendie and we waited for Bri-Nasty from there but by the time she got there I had to go because I was not walking home. When I go home I did all my homework and Toni came over. I told him how my day went but I don't think he really was all to interested because he really didn't know what I was talking about.

Sep. 20 Same tuesdays

This morning I woke up sort of late but I did get dressed pretty fast. After about 10min of waiting for my mother she gets in the car and says that she has to go get gas. She knows I hate when she tells me at the last minute after she takes forever to come on that she need gas. Does she not know I hate being later over something that could have been avoided. I got to school on time but I did  not really want to do anything in class but I did take my note for biology and tried to make sure all my other work was completed. When I got to Mr.Taylor class I really did not want to be bothered all that much so I didn't pay may people attention. The rest of my day was how it usually is from college algebra to financies. When I got to financies I was actually happy only because I didn't have the same seat any more. I went to practice as I would any other day but I actually did not mind being there today. I just wanted to have a good practice and get something accomplished. In the begining of practice we worked on compition the the last couple of minutes we went over cheers for the volleyball game tomorrow. When practice was actually over I wanted to go home and take a nap before church but those plans never work out when I need them too. By the time I got hadI only had enough time to start my homework and have a thought about eating. Church was kind of pointless but Toni went with me so it was good he kept me from getting bored because I couldn't focus on the topic. I was mad though because I wanted to see Charlie but he wasn't there :(.

Sep. 19 2011 Mondays

Days like this make you happy when your days look dark. I'm not sure why I woke up so happy this morning but it felt so good to just have a good day. It wasn't any different then any other day but it seemed like it. I was really chipper and full of smiles today but at the same time to tired for words. Im going to be honest I took a small nap in all my classes when I was done my work except for AVID. The only part of my day that I felt really good about was when we completed our board in AVID because we didn't have a lot of confusion and confintation like all the other groups to the point we got most of our board completed.  I had a good practice after school today we where able to get a lot done for competition and everything and everybody got along for the most part. Everything really hit me when I got home I was stupid dumb tired to the point I just wanted to pass out and go to bed but I couldn't because I had something like a lot of homework today . Toni did come over to "attept to help" me with my homework a=but its not really helping when all he does is mess with me while I do my homework but him just wanting me to do it makes me feel like I actually picked a good one for a change. I'm going to be honest though I was happy when he left because I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO sleepy. I think taking a shower and getting into my my bed and being able to put my head on my pillows was the best part of my day.

Sep 18 I miss my Pastor

Well my pastor went on vaccation today and left me there with everybody else. She stopped by my job yesterday to tell me bye and it made me feel so special she always knows how to put a smile on my face. Today was boring just relaxing not doing much but be with Toni when I get donr these blogs and thats all. I am going to start looking into the rest of my college stuff today tho just been busy during the week to get any of that stuff done. i been listenuing to Frank Ocean the whole time doing this trying to hurry up but he can wait a little longer for me to  funish up. I talked to my daddy to day and it mad me smile but I still want my pastor. Without her at church everything feels weird im not sure why it does it just does.

Sep.17 Got to get paid

I hate my job I hate the people and the people that come in there they are such a mess some people dont know how to carry themselves and how to respect theirselves its really rediculous. Today people everybody wanted to try on a million and one wigs but didn't want to buy any. I think I have came to the conclusion that if you can't find one wig that look descent on you then you might not be all that attractive. But on another note some young black people need to know what is exceptable in public please do not come into a store cursing at your girlfriend because she has nappy hair and wants you to buy her weave and ladies please do not act like this is okay and laugh when he calls you out of your name because it's not. While I was there I was debating what to wear to Ashy's party which turned out just to be a dress and some heels while everybody else (except Ashy) whore pants ugh. The time we spent together was good smiles. I think this topped off my day.

Sep.16 I cant help then..

Plans for today go as such
1.school get all my work done
2.practice (pray toGod this gos well)
3. help Ashy find something for tomorrow.
I woke up today with my day planned out for the most part. My day yesterday was pretty good. I had a test today in first period I felt good because I recieved a 85% on it so I was off on a good start. As my day proceeded it wasn't peachy or awesome just in the middle. I went on to practice but before i got there the jv coach kind of blew me so it set me off but i got over it and practice went well (thank God). I did get light headed during practice though. When I got home I had some time to myself but Icouldn't sleep. Around 7 I helped Ashy find something for Saturday but it seems everything I picked up she didn't like so I felt like why the f.... am I here for. I just said forget it you don't need my help help yourself. We went to Taco Bell after to eat and I see Chrissy and she wants me to come to her because its her birthday which I honestly did not care about because she ows me money so I blew her off and proceeded on with the rest of my day. Toni came over atalking all reckless upsetting me about his day but I got over it and fed him my Taco Bell because my baby was hungry so I had to make sure he ate. He thinks Im too nice of a girlfriend to him but I thought thats what I was suppose to do. I dont know.......

Sep.15 HORRAY ITS THE 15TH

I been waiting forever to get my nails done and I can finally get them done. Some people dont understand when my nails and hair isnt done then I feel incomplete in a way. So after practice guess where Amber was going yup you know getting her nails done. But thestart of my day was good I startred off with some Wish so I felt good. I was so playful and happy. I completed all my work in all my classes. When I got to AVID we had our first seminar I felt good that I was able to start it off for the class. I started to understand why certain people where in certain houses after the discussions because of how they where in the groups for the seminar. I believe that everybody had their own view points about the book and how we disagreed of agreed withh certain decisions made by certain characters. I felt like I personally wanted to get into certain groups discussions based on their questions and topics constructed from the reading. After that Idid get frustrated when I got my wake up call with my GPA because i thought it was .2 points higher which shows its been time for me to ge it together. I went to practice as usual which went well for the most part. When my mommy picked me up today I got her to give me some money for my nails. Around 6 or so Ashy and I went to get our nails done together for some girl time I guess. My honeypie came up to the nail salon to see me then we went to my house to watch tv and act a fool together; we really act alike its crazy.

Sep. 14

Wendsdays are so random it makes or breaks the reset of your week because its directly in the middle of the week. Since I was feeling better today I had so much built up goofy energy and it showed. I did not mean to be so goofy but when you are tired but in a good mood it has it's ways of showing. I could'nt help it but in math class I was kind of silly but I did learn something and i feel that is all that matters. I kept to myself after I calmed down but i didn't want to go to practice today girls are just too much. Everybody was tired from constintly repeating the same thing to the point that everybody ways so defensive and stressed but we do have to remember compitition is slowly approaching. DEADLINES DEADLINES DEADLINES. Which made me remember I have to do my homework. I did most of my home work tonight talked to my bestest friend in the entire world. I also realized my boyfriend is something like my bestfriend crazy. This was my best wendsday in forever. I LOVE MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!!

Sep. 13 I can't keep forgetting bible study

It's Tuesday which means I have a lot ahead of me today bible study, homework, practice and school doesn't seem like a lot but it is when you are too drained for words. I tried to start my day off with song hype music to try to wake me up but for some reason it did not work at all which slows my day down some. All my classses felt fast but slow at the same time I really think I just was not there all the way but that's just how it is sometimes. I had practice today cheers, stunts and talking too much of some then others. I am always stupid tired after practice I hate it but sacrifises have to be made to be happy. I got home tired and had to remember I HAVE to see the Lord tonight so I just had to pull it together after telling my self I wasn't going to go but everytime I say that the result is always the same i get up and go to church. I had me too much fun in bible study (im not sure if I was suppose to based off the fact we were suppose to be focused.) Being focused tonight was an obsticual because the woman juxtasposed to me had me histarically laughing at the olderman in class. When I got home tonight I was very nonchalant about my boyfriend coming over because he failed to tell me he wasn't coming and my beloved pastor wanted to focus on certain things tonight and I think I did pretty good.Finally get to take a shower then Good Night =)