Oct. 26 Sorry no pictures this week

I know on Monday and Tuesday I didnt put any pictures up but they areon my phone they just cant be sent yet. But today was dress for sucess and Tymmy looked so cute =). I was going to dress up but I couldnt fing anything to wear and if I did I would have been super crazy lateso I just threw on a dress and called it a day but I did feel bad because me and Tymmy were going to be spiffy today together. I have to go to practice today but I honestly dont want to. evrybody is always so grumpy now and by me being me I really do hate it because it brings my spirit down. and they always get mad that Im happy like why yall so bitter GOSH!!!!!

Oct. 25 Competiton in 5 days

We keep getting stressed out because competition is in 5 days so  it is tooo many emotions in practice like really yall need to get it together. Everyone wants to place so everyone has their own input on things but I honestly dont care about what they think. Coach is starting to get annoyed with them and I really feel bad for her because she has more faith in us then most of us have in ourselves and that is really sad. I love them but if somebody else trys to blame me for something they are doing wrong I think i might have to tell them about their selves.

Oct. 24 the start of a stressful week

I know for a fact that this week is going to be too stressful for me but I will maintain a smile. I am begining to feel like a lot of things that I want for myself really are not ment for me because I am always so iffy about them. But today something told me to start looking at Pratt Institute for college but honestly I cant even focus enough on the schools I already have on my list so I guess no early admissions for me =(. I wish October was not so busy for me with jugling work, cheerleading and all this college stuff I really feel like im not going to be done by Monday. GOD HELP ME

Sun. Oct. 23 Good Night Good Mornings

So my night last night gave me a great start to my day. Had a normally strange but random dream as usual so I wastalking to Drea about it this morning. I teted T'Nea and Tymmy this morning so they made my morning exquisite. I had a good day at church Pastor told me that she was proud of me and everything that I had been doing even though I do have a lot to do every day I have my priorities straight. I had a good time talking to Quan and Geezy they made me laugh a lot. Then I spent some time with my mommy but now I have to plan out my week and finish this project.

Sat. Oct. 22 Fast days

Today went by so fast I had to make work fun though. Everybody seemed depressed today but I hate when people are sad so I had to make them smile. I think today is me and KayKay's last day working together but I made the best of it, now work is about to be dry. Dylie Boy and Lucky came by to see me at work but coincedentally Toni was with them so it was so akward when we went outside to talk. I miss his big head self but good things always come to an end.I found out that I might be modeling in a fashion show in December depending on how my schedual works out but only time will tell with that so Im not going to get my hopes up on that.  Good thing Im going out tonight with Tymmy because I needed that release. Bri went with us and we saw Paranormal Activity but I didn't think it was scary at all it was actually funny to me. Tymmy made my day end with smiles so that means good nights.

Fri. Oct. 20 Prepreation

Today I had to get up early to get readty for practice. I woke up at 9 and practice starts at 10 I'm not sure how I made it there only 13min. later when I had to walk and my knee is still healing. I didn't leave the house until 9:43 I must be really dedicated because I thought i wasn't goning to get there to at the most 10:20 or 10:30. We had a preductive practice I was still emotional from yesterday though but the past is the past we can't rewrite it only create a better future. Im just suprised Im actually feeling some way about it because we weren't together for that long but it felt like so much longer. But I went Through practice and then went home and talked to Tymmy for the rest of the day.

Thur. Oct. 20 Untitled

Today was one of those days where if you read this you have to name it. Like to much stressful stuff has already taken place in this one week and it's only Thursday. I went through family stuff earlier this week now me and Toni broke up today but that's not the worst part; my godson's father died today so I have to put my jumble of emotions to the side to comfort T'Nea as much as I possibly can but it's hard when she's all the way in Texas and I am here. The only good thing that probally isn't all that good is that Micah is still young so he doesn't feel any type of way about it but now I know I have to work twice as hard to mark sure he has all that he needs. Honestly this is TOOOOOO EFFIN MUCH IN ONE DAY

Wes. Oct. 19th Boring

Nothing really happened today; it was just one of my boring plain days. All I did was go to school and practice. After practice I chilled with Allen and we talked for a while I got him something to get and I washed my clothes. Me and Toni was arguing through text messagebecause I wasnt home. He really starting to get on my nerves. I don't even know why I have a boyfriend. UGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!! I think I love him though because I was crying because I hate when he act like a jerk. Allen was acting all concerned to why I was crying. I know We could work through some of this but it's so annoying and stressful.

Oct. 18 My busy days

This morning we had a meeting with the underclassmen and I pray to God they took something in because I hate loosing when I know it could be so easy for us to win. Next time we need to devide them up and get some type of extra time because we had a lot to talk about with them. The seniors in Atlas talked about our next meeting because we all have the same adgenda which is to win son I'm going to need these underclassmen to get it together for everybody not just themselves. In AVID we looked at this Thank God it's tuesdaty thing I felt like it was kind of creepy because I didn't completely understand what he was talling about. He kept jumping from topic to topic and I couldn't focus anymore. We had a good practice after school everybody was stressed because competition is on the 29th and we want everything perfected. I went to bible study and Toni went with me but he was etting on my nerves because he always talking in bible study and I like to focus. He got mad atr me because I was annoyed with him but we got over it.

Mon. Oct. 17 Dre and Zaya

So today after practice I was suppose to do laundry but everything got post ponded due to the unexspected visit from Dre. I havent seen him in so long since he moved out and he brought Isiah. I was about to beat Isaih up he acting like he dont know who I am I should have punched him in the face but I couldn't because he is too small. I missed his little monkey faced self. We got home and Isiah was looking around like he wanted to remember were he was but he couldn't it was so cute. He kept getting mad at me because I kept giving him back to Dre but he was being phoney. I wish Drea and Vernon was with us but I can't always have what I want. I just miss my family I hate being the youngest because everybody gone when you want them. Well anyway Treese came by to get Isaih but that's another story to tell.

Oct. 16 Good Service

Tym woke me up today with the cutest text I actually felt special haven't had that in weeks. I got up and got ready for church Toni can to drop off my ipod after two weeks. He went to the loop and me and my mommy went to church. Today's sermin was so good it made me remember that I can't do it with my Iown example because that's not an example it's just doin it.It really made me miss my family. Thank God for them because I wouldn't be able to press on with out them.

Oct. 15 I miss my other Family =(

This morning I went out with my past which is not the best thing to do when your present is effing up and your future keeps texting your phone. (I GOT WAY TO MANY BOYS I WANT TO BE UGLY GOSH but with my same face) We went out to get coffee and he got me breakfast we spent most of the morning together and he really made me want to be single. I miss having the best that I worked soooooo effin hard for and right now I'm back at the drawing board with no materials it's crazy. We went back to his house and I saw his daddy and the babies (I really missed them). One of the reasons I went out this morning because Toni really got under my skin lastnight and I cant do it any more. When my departed he offered to get me lunch before work but I had to decline that  or I would have been late to work. I actually had a normal day at work  which I haven't had in such a long time. I texted Toni and he already knew I wanted to brerak up with him but when I got off and I got around him I couldn't do it it was so crazy like I HATED him this week but I can't give up it's not in me to quit. So we talked about it and had a good night together something we havent had in weeks. I guess we might last a little longer )

Oct. 14 Down physically and emotionally

I dont understand why I been so irrattated and bi-polar like but I know Toni and everybody else is starting to think I really am bi-polar. He told me that yesterday but I didn't take it how I usually do i actually felt some type of way lastnight. I couldn't walk up the stairs today because my knee was really hurting I could barely sleep at all lastnight it was a mess. my mother had the nerve to ask me could I walk after I got dressed and limped down the steps. People need to stop asking rhetorical questions at the wrong times. Honestly I dont want to go to the doctor because the take to long and I get charged for something I could have done which is stretch and wrap my knee.-_- Kendie helped me up the stairs in school but she was walking faster then me but it's the thought that counts lol. I sat in practice because I felt bad that I couldn't practice but stuff happens it's life. Me and Bri walked well she walked and I limped to Kendie house because she left us and I hope she read this and feels bad. My knee was cracking and tightening up like crazy it was really hurting but I got over it. I wanted to play but I couldn't so I had to watch stupid Jersey Shore (ewwwww) I hate that show. but I did have a good time and I got two candy apples by the end of the night.

Oct. 13 Definately thought it was Monday

Today was so good I talked to Xavire and Eric about some stuff I had to get their oppinion on and I saw Tym and that made me happy. Since we had a day off yesterday I swore it was Monday in my head it was tooo crrazy for me. I guess I needed the extra sleep. My classes I got sort of tired in them but I stayed up took my notes did my work ect. I went to pratice worked on some stunts but at the end of practice I think I sprained my knee it hurt but I dont cry about stuff like that because the pain will go away sooner then later. I was weird because the way it happened but Bria helped me a lot she got me ice and stuff. We got cupcakes because it was Coach Brittany's birthday and I realized JV is a mess nobody really said happy birthday to her but they wanted cupcakes which was pretty selfish. Varsity sang to her and all the before we knew we could even get any like that s your coach and yall that rude. SMDH wht a shame. Everybody want to recieve but never want to earn nothing.

Oct. 12 OMG ITS RAINING

So I get to see Drea today and Bri coming with me. HORRAY!!!!!!!!!!! I love my sister more then anything in the world like she is my heart, my backbone and then somepeople really don't unerstand. So Toni woke me up today because he is going with me and Bri . When he called I got up texted Bri and got in the shower. I meet up with Bri and we proceedto the loop to get on this lobng bus ride to Morgan. Me and Bri was just talking and everything with some interruptions from Toni calling. We had to meet him at Charles Center so thats what we did but we couldn't find each other and by now I was irrattated with him like one of those moods where if he dont stfu I might go off. So I started geeking with bri and she understood why I been thinking about breaking up with him. When we got to Morgan I got all chipper and Amberish again because Drea tends to do that to me. We didnt do much but talk and all that other stuff we do but we didnt have much time to be together because Bri had to be home soon and topni wanted to see his daddy. We left and Toni daddy picked us up but it was akward because I m,ight break up with his son and I feel akward.  I got to see his little brother who was like my bestfriend for a day. We got a ride home and Toni slept in my lap he was so cute it made me want to stay with him.  The same person you cant stand can be the same person to make you smile. =) Today was a good day......for the most part.

Oct. 11 Cant wait for Wensday

I really realized that the mood you go to bed with has the ability to stick with you and last night I went to bed annoyed. Im starting to see why I was single for so long like having to worry about other people's feelings because you care about them is so annoying. I know I'm not the best girlfriend in the world but gosh you dont have to make me feel like that or you dont want to be with me.  But I did have the opportunity to talk to some of my male friends to help me. ( I hate talking to girls about my boy problems because they give bad advise sometimes). The more I try to understand I get confused and irratated. When I got home from practice I called my god-brother's wife to see if I still had to watch her daughter but she didn't answer so I got ready for bible study. She called back in bible study but I was learning about being a disciple. When I called her back she tried to get in my bushes because I couldn't watch her daughter yesterday but I figured if you don't know someone you would like to meet them if they are taking care of your child and you wouldn't ask 3 hours in advance if you could have asked yesterday. That sort of messed up my night then Toni came over and annoyed me so I went to sleep on him because we were clashing. at least i get my shoes tomorrow.

Oct. 10 Another long week

It seems like we dont get a real weekend any more to me it is too much to do. I keep making plans for me to get on track with my college stuff but when I start something always comes up and makes me feel like I really need my own time. I put so much on my plate because I know I can handel it but when you start adding extra people in to the equation I get so stressed and tired. I just want a hiatus soooooo bad but I have to suck it up. Hard work and determination leaves you time to rest later and thats what I want so no time for breaks. Im just happy that my first period makes me feel better in the morning because if I didn't have them I honestly think I would be grumpy all the time and i dont need that at all. I love them so much.

Oct 10 Pretty in Pink Sunday

I honestly dont know where my day is going, I was tired but got a good sleep and people just want to be mad at me for stupid reasons. I found out Im going to Woodlawn homecoming and we going to have oodles of fun. I just have to see if I have to call out of work or not. I was suppose to meet up with the lady who's daughter Im suppose to watch but she still has not clled me sop Im not sure about that. I went to church today the surmen was good and I saw Jasean it was cool but now I must see what the rest of my day is looking like.

Oct 9 I really want to quit but I cant

I really cant stand my job I was having a good day until I had to deal with these trifflin costumers. I saw a lot of people I missed talk to my  young boy today he make me laugh a lot. I was feeling really good until Hannah thought some girl stole some cheap hair. I was helping this drunk man with his 15mon. old daughter and I was getting annoyed because he kept trying to really get my number and stuff and all I wanted him to do was find a product and leave. I felt so bad for his daughter because she was so cute and had to deal with this for the rest of her life she didn't deserve that. Kay kay was in the bathroom and more costumers came in but they already knew what they wanted so I didn't bother to ask. Hannah was yelling for Kaykay but she was using the bathroom. Hannah made a big scene about some hair irratating everybody but the girl never stole the hair in the first place. Hannah wanted to be me and Kaykay best friend after it was all said and done. So I just waited to get off but I did see this cute wig I want so I might have to get that. And some lady I had to hep finda wig stunk and gave me a headach I was just done after that. Today was just a mess.

Oct 6 Game Day

For some reason I always get to cheer when the wheather is crazy. Today its super cold and we are cheering at Lansdown. I feel like away game make us closer but sometimes it doesnt matter when we come back to New Town.I honestly didnt really ant to cheer because one it was cold and two I forgot some of the cheers. I could do something about the second one butthe first was out of my control. on the ride to lansdown it felt real nice outside it was when we started to cheer when the problems came. We had make a circle with the Lansdown cheerleades and we where getting along just fine it wasnt until we started cheering when they started hating us. Everytime we go to an away game we come real mutual then we leave they hate us. our cheers where better and we weere louder then them. Even though our cheers are a bit offensive they have to understand this is like a competition so its time to compete. The coach called us trash but I guess it was jealous. The black girl on their team said the only reeason we were loud was because we are black which didnt make any sense at all because she was black too. But over all it was a good game we won and I got to go home and get warm =).

Oct 7 Another day off

No practice today so I thought Iwould ghave time to rest for the rest of my life. I been so tired lately I have to stop stressing about everything. I was suppose to spend my afternoon with Toni but he is never home when I tell him to come home early. He make me feel like he dont care its soooooooooooooooo annoying. so I walked home with Jordan and Bri it was chills felt like I needed to be around some "friends" for once. Me and Bri decidedto go harrass Kendie but only after we dropped our stuff off and went top 7 11. I was tired when we go to Kendie house but I had fun with them they always know how to make me feel bad and happy at the same time.They helped me with my silly boy problems which are not really problems just me having too many choices. I kind of fell asleep on them out of no where but it was because I havent really been sleeping like I should. I get to sleep  tonight. I guess I am not seeing Toni tonight I miss him though.

Oct 5 nice surprise

I love good surprised on a boring day it just makes it way more fun. So today after my late practice I was a little annoyed so I didnt really want to talk to any body. I was really tired so I didnt go to church with my mommy tonight I stayed home and started my homework. Toni called me and I had to kind of calm him down. five minutes later Drea called saying she was coming over to pick some stuff up. I was so happy because I saw my daddy on Monday and now my sister today I felt loved. I did feel a bit of tension when everybody got to my house though because drea is sick and rushing and Toni was just mad so I had to try to appease everyone which was stressful. Toni thinks he still should get all my attention when my family is stopping by but I dont think that its fair to anyone but him. Drea told me that she was going to be performing but she had to network tonight so I just haveto pray everything goes as planned.

Oct. 4 SMH EVEN IN THE CHURCH

Even church people can be a mess andit can really show. How can you clame to be a in tune with God but you are quick tempered and dont know how to act even in the house of the Lord. I cant get into detail about the story but me and my mans Charlie had to remember we where in church. All I can really tell is that class was going on very calm and pleasent as usual until they started relating things back to real ife. Charlie made a couple of points like a lot of you would not honestly act like this if the situation was brought to you in that manner. So pastor decided to make some examples, she asked me since I am going to get married on day if my husband had a problem with me going out on Saturday to evangelize and I know he likes his breakfast ready when he gets up but i forgot to make it how would I go about this. because she already made the point that the breakfast was not made I answered the question like so, "I wouldn't be with someone who has a problem with me doing the Lords work and I would just pick him something up on the way home." All the older women had a problem with it saying I should have made it before I left and asked him could I go. Well in my mind I thought I answered the question and you cant change the senario but I got over all the comments. But Charlie couldnt get over a certain person's mother tried to go on him so I had to calm him down. I was really a mess.

Oct 3 2011 DADDY'S Girl

Today all I could wait for was that text from my daddy because he is suppose to come by and dro[p some stuff off to me. No matter how much time I get to spend with him is something to charish because I love my daddy so much but I never really get to see him for personal reasons. I was suppose to cheer at the volleyball game today but I would never dare to leave him waiting for me especially sice it's freezing outside that would be horrid. So after school I walked home to make sure I was in the appointed place at the appointed time. My mother picked me  up on my cold walk home because it was raining. When my daddy texted me around 5:30 I started to get ready so my mommy could run me by the subway so I could get my stuff. When I saw him I really felt like a little girl again I just wanted to run to him and jump on him but I didnt. i did run to him and gave him a hug to made me remember when I was like eight and I would see him and huig him as tight as my little body could. I literally had a smile from ear to  ear. I'm honestly a daddy's girl. When he gave me my stuff he told me to look inside and he said " You can never say I dont love you." I smiled and waited till I got home to open it. It was a interim from fourth grade. The funny thing is that it reflects me now, I'm goofy but still smart but mostly cant sit for long periods of time and focus on one thing.

Oct 1 2011 SAT

The only thuing that has been on my mind all week was the SATs and I have to take them today. I woke up around 4 in he morning because I thought I was ready. I looked at the clock and said oh no I need to go back to sleep or Im going to do terrible. so I rolled back over and went back to sleep. I woke up again at 6:18 am and was energized in a way but when 6:20 came around the time I planned to wake up I wanted to go back to bed but I got up and got dressed. I prepared everything the night before rather then wait till the morning like I did my first time. I prayed like 40 times this morning and my pastor texted me so it made me a bit more calm. When it was time to test Im going to be honest I was nervous but the essay question made sense so it took a load off. As the test went on everything got a bit simpler but when I did feel myself getting overwhelmed I would stop and pray because I feel like no matter the score I get I can only say thank God that I didnt have a nervous break down and freak out. When the test was over I had to rush home and get ready for work but in between that time Andrea came over to make me smile. Work was simple not too many costumers and I got to get a hair cut so I feel  clean. Tonight Im going to bed early Im tired!!!!!!!

Oct 2 2011 Gray Sundays

For it to be gray and gloomy today is crazy because its Sunday the sun should be out and shining. This is crazy how cold it is too. Last week it was barable but not today Im freezing and I wore a dress to church. By the way my pastor came back yesterday but I got to finally see her today Im so happt I missed her so much. What she preached had me thinking about my life (the little 17 years that I have) and where Im going. Thats a lot to think about I mean because its not aboput what I want because I get myself in trouble but God wouldnt just let you out to fend for yourself because He wont leave you or forsake you. Toooo Thankful   right now. But Im going to take some time to rest and do what I need to do to prepare myself for the week. Remember to keep your head up because thats where you blessing come down from. And relax because not everything is in your control.