Nov. 20 NO BETTER

I still feel bad but I went to church. It usually makes me feel better and it did because I felt like death when I woke up now i just feel like half of Death :(.  I dont think I should go to school tomorrow  but I know I should to learn and all that jazz. I keep listening to Rihanna and its kind of creepy that this s ong wont get out my head.But I need to go take a nap or something so BYE!!!!!!!!!!!

Nov. 19 Finally

I finally got the maniquine from Drea to start my designs so they can finally get out of my head. I have to go get some mor fabric but I dont feel like asking my mommy. I was so cold today  I think Im getting worse. I went to work and couldnt wait for Khristen to come in because I was bored and their daughter was there and she getts to close. I dont like when children Im not too fond of get in my personal space and touches my stuff. And she sloppy so I didnt know if she washed her hands or anything so it was kind of gross. When Khristen came in it started getting fun after Hannah left. We played in some wigs and just acted a foo for the rest of the day. I was okay besides the fact I felt TERRIBLE.

Nov. 18 Work

I hate working on Fridays because Khristen not here to make time go by fast and its only me Joe and Hannah here. Hannah always so mad about something that  probally is bot even that serious and Joe wants to have fun but seems like he cant baecause he has to answer to Hannah, I hope my marrage not like that because I wont be married for long then. He look so unhappy but that's not my business. I feel sick today I wish I felt better. But these boring conditions not going to make it any better for me.

Nov. 17 Offerings

So I keep looking out for people but its not the same here all the time but its okay. I saw my fat boy today and took care of him because he is too sick to take care of himself. I guess I can always lend a helping hand because you never know when your going to need help in the same way. I went out my way to buy him medicine and soup. I was getting annoyed because when people get sick they think they cant do anything at all. That is never the case but I didnt complain.But ona beter note I started making scene plans for the "photoshoots" so I should be good next month because Drea is my model and she understands me for the most part. I just hope Pratt sees what I have to offer.

Nov. 16 READY

So over these past couple of days I keep learning more about myself because I have to push myself more. Nobody is physically here that knows what I can do to push me to keep going on strong. So I have to just keep myself focused through everything even though I have a lot to do. I stress my ownself but thats why i  have to do better for me and keep going. I started making a plan on when Im going to start making the stuff. I talked to Drea so she can help over break and we can make alterations and fitting plans. So things getting real corporate like for me. So wish me luck =)

Nov. 15 About to be like Yeezy

So yet again I have another dream killer. People like this need to really tink about their plae before they speak to people like me. My sister did not rear a failure so why do they keep trying to knock me like Im not talented. If you never seen the talent then dont speak because it was not ment for you to see you just sound like a hater. But I must be honest they do just make me more ambitious even if I wanted to fail I couldnt because its not me. Dont let people make you feel like following your dream is going to end in regret. As long as it makes you happy go for it or yopur regret will be that you never even tried to reach for it. No matter what people will try to put you down even if they dont know you but you have to push your self with a few hand behind you to keep pushing even when you want to give up. So with that said I have two new quotes till Im done with this fashion stuff.......

"Now I could let these dream killers kill my self-esteem
Or use my arrogance as the steam to power my dreams
I use it as my gas, so they say that I'm gassed"
Kanye West

"Motivation for me was them telling me what I could not be,
Oh well, Im so ambitious"

Jay-Z

Nov.14 Dreams

Today I had a pretty good day. I got to see my daddy today which is always a joyous occassion. I was able to get some things for my porfolio but its hard to do things like this when people close to you doubt you. Honestly if you dont believe in me and what I want to do then dont speak on it at all. People like that just seem like they want to take your joy and your shine. Just because you are unhappy dont try to kill my dream. My daddy, my siblings, my bestfriend and my niece just know wht to say to get me back focused though, Im still determined to make them proud of me.

Nov. 13 Assistant Pastor's Ordienation

I went to church today and talked to Charlie about some stuff. We all had to speak about assistant pastor today since her ordination is at four . Christian spoke first then I spoke and ect. I didnt have much to say and neither did anybody else. But I feel  like people just think it is about how much you say rather then what you say and that should never be the case. A person who says very little has the power to change nations but a person who says too much can break nations. But I feel good now about my school choices. I know Im not what would usually be at those schools but I know God will give me a choice as to where I ca go because time and time again he shows me and others that I have talent. im about to go to the ordinations so I will write back tomorrow.

Nov. 12 The Expo

The Expo was today I had a good time with everybody it helped me see who I should keep in my life because they helped me get over being nervous. I saw a lot of schools but I know I could have gotten in but I dont go to places like that because I rather have a challenge in front of me.I was mad though because Howard took so long to come and they where the ionly reason why I went and they didnt even do on site admissions but I guess its better of me so they can read my essay and have a better idea of who I am. I did get into Dillard and they have my majors but I dont think I would go there. I want to go to Pratt so bad but I keep feeling like Im going to get rejected because I want to go there so bad. Im getting irratated becaus epeople have little faith in me but i have to just shake it off because GOD already said that great things will come from me so Im not tripping off them but I know they better not ask for nothing from me in the future.

I had work after Expo I think Hannah mad at me because I couldnt come in early but I really dont care. Kristen came in early though. surprisingly we get along so well and it makes Hannah so mad =). We had too much fun at work today but Hannah kept trying to put me down nut I was calm even hough I wanted to go off on her.  I really can controll my temper better now and Im proud of myself now. But I think Im going to sleep when I get home, too many people today.

Nov. 11 To many ones today

Today was Veteriens day but Im not sure why we didnt have a moment of silence this morning at 11:11 but okay. My AVID, APES and Bio family make me laugh and smile a lot today which made me forget about how much I have to do that really isnt started. I have to rush tio work after school today which means Im really going to be tired tonight. I hate work. I had to wait for my mommy in the cold to get me from school because i dont remember what bus I ride and Ash couldnt get me. When I get to work I was happy because hannah wasnt there then she came in and messed up my day. I was doing good ignoring them because
I know they where talking about me but I dont care because they going to be the mad ones when I can buy them and make them work for me so its okay. I was my best friend after work but he couldnt stay for long because the Expo is tomorrow.

Nov. 10 They See the GREATNESS

Today was Kendies birthday she finally got older so we both 17. I went with her to her fitting and stuff and helped her have a good time on her birthday. I was a little down and melencholy  todaybecause I felt like I cant do all this stuff for my porfolio in the give amount of time. I didnt text my best friend but she sent me the best message ever she told me how much she loves me and how proud she is of because she know Imj going to be "a star". I realized that I really need her and my sister here because they are my support when nobody else is even there to think about me. They know I do let my pride get in the way of some much to even ask for help from anyone but they know their words will get me through it. Im going to do it all and be the best at it. drea is helping me with some modeling and stuff but Im not sure how I would get out there but I want to do it so bad. The man Im suppose to be modeling for called me today but I dont think Im going to be able to get out there on Sunday because its assistant pastor's ordienation so I just need a blessing. IM GOING TO MAKE THEM PROUD

Nov. 9 TOO GOOFY

Im not sure why Tymmy like me but he do Im such a gooof. So he walked me home today and all i really wanted to do was play so while we were walking he kept pushing me in the bushes. I really felt some way about that because I was trying to explain to him that I could have died but he wasnt listening and kept doing it. He honestly thought it was funny but it wasnt at all. He really  does make me feel like I can be myself because he jsut tinks its cute when I know its not  =). When we got to my house we went to the park and I told him I want a puppy for Christmas just to see what he would say but he told me I would loose it because I through the leaf he gave me away but itswas ugly. So I kept all the other leaves he gave me after that. We talked a lot so he makes me feel like he actaully likes me =) yayay me. He met my mommy today and she was actually nice Im so proud of her. She wouldnt tell me if she thought he was cute so I dont know even though she didnt say he was ugly.

Nov 8 Bible Study and college stuff

Today was just one of those days if I didnt do it now I would have probally never started. So9 today I talked to my sister about getting all my stuff together for my porfolio and when she would be free to do a "photoshoot" for me. This was like the jump start to trying to get done everything before Christmas break. I feel like my mother is realy going to make this process so much harder for me because she doesnt want me to go to school for fashion ut she doesnt understand thats my passion so to speak. I know I can do it though Im way to ambitious not to.

I took my sketches and stuff to bible study because this stuff really just needs to get done and be first on my list. our descussion was about realationships and stuff and since Im the only girll in the class I get asked random questions. But most of the questions only related to me and Charlie because thats my baby/best friend like I would do any thing for him and I dont even feel like that towards most of my boyfriends so he is like super special to me. But we do have like a secrete crush on eachother but its not really a secrete because we already planned to get married its so weird. But I love my bestfriend. =)

Nov. 7 TGIM

Today we did the TGIM in AVID but I was already in a good mood for the most part from my first two classes. APES usually puts me in a good mood and so does Bio its just when we do certain things in certain classes that are just tedious irratates me.  I feel a little worst fro last week and extra cold Im starting to think Im anemic but Im not sure. But the TGIM was okay I just wish he would deliver it better rather then yell into the camera,  nobodywants that on a Monday. Some pointys he talked about where be a change to a situation or environment, be a blessing and stop being a child. I feel like I doost of these things but you cant change certain situations if thats the way they where already set out before you where there or if people are just stuck in their ways there is very little you can do to change them. But the rest of my day was okay I was just tired from the little sleep and fun I get on the weekends.

Nov. 6 Church

My mommy did opening prayer in church today I so proud of her she moving up in the church game. i got to see my Charlie today I missed him so much we sat next to each other and had a good time like old times. Geey came to church to he my new friend h looked all nice and attractive but we was in church so I only said hi. for the rest of the day I going to try to get my mommy to take me shopping because i love her =).

Nov. 5 First Saturday without KAYKAY

So I dont really feel all too well today and I have to work, this is going to be a long day. KayKay is gone so its just me and Kiristen today she is cool I guess we really dont talk all to much but when we doo its too funny. Neither of us think that Hannah likes us but who really knows. Tymmy brought me hot chocolate at work today because I didnt really al too peachy. I thoght that was so cute that he actually cares that much to make sure I get better. He couldnt stay long because he had to go out and I was working but after heleft so many people came in. I keep seeing hairy females too and that wasnecver attractive to look like your botfriend or husband please get it together ladies. I was suppose to see Tymmy when I got off but he was still out. Instead I saw my childhood friend Justen he likes me and Im not quite sure why because if I knew me for that long I wouldnt like me.

Nov. 4 No school but Work

Tymmy came over for a little while before I had to go to work. We just played around and ate nothing to serious. I wanted to go outside but it wqas way too cold to play today. We left my house arounf 1:55 so I could go to work but I kept forgetting stuff so I wqas like 2 minutes late but it was okay because I came in early. I worked alone and that was good because I only like one of the two new girls and she didnt work today. it was slow but I got through it. Went to bed early because I was tired of standing and being bored all day.

Nov. 3 Pep ralley

So I was ay too confused today because the cheerleaders where suppose to be making some type of poster thing for the football players and nobody knew what time we were suppose to leave. I was late to third period messing around with them but its okay I guess I just have to get him a pass. I ws nervous to perform at the pep rally but I honestly dont know why because its never that serious. I guess its just a good nervous feeling to make me want to do better because even though people dont believe me I so shy its crazy. So we performed it was oka the pep rally could have been better but mmhm. Tymmy walked me home because it was the cute thing to do and on our way home my coach say us and yelled "AAAAAWWWWWW AMBER!!" out the window then I saw my chorus teacher from middle school and he said awww too it was funny. but my day ended well for the most part.

Nov.2 Piecing it together/ GameTime

I hate when I have to write about certain experiences because I get all emotional and its a mess. I wanted to cry writting my essay but since I dont cry in public I held it all in. I was excited though because powder puff was today and I have my team all around me oday and they kept me going. I would have to say that me and Andrea was dropping the juniors because they started tackling first so we had to let them know. Im just a little upset that they where trying to jump Jessica at the end and that I came out with bruises on my leg like
GOSH it was never that serious. It was a "cute" game.

Nov. 1 Editing this Essay

So today I had practice for powder puff and cheerleading and it was pretty good. I talked to Mrs. Catherell about my essay and she said that she would help me with it. I always have this problem where the writing is good but its not focused and structured. I need to work on that before college because my thoughts always come faster then what I can type or write. Working on the structure of my experience essay tonight wish  me luck.

Oct.31 Halooween

I went trick otr treating today but it was super cold. I guess I still want to secreatly be a little kid but its hard when you HAVE TOO grow up. Tymmy walked me home from school which I was surprised he did because I had to stay after school for my recommendation letters and to talk to a couple of teachers about some things. I hope that everything comes together as planed because I think I atually know for sure what I want but I dont know if its what I am supopse to do. But anyway it feels like we skipped fall and went straight into winter  because I think I am slowly but surely getting sick. HOPE I FEEL BETTER.